Food Challenges: Tips for Moms in Eating Disorder Recovery
Image courtesy of Third Strand Photography
If you’re a mom in recovery from an eating disorder, there’s no doubt these times have been more challenging and potentially triggering.
Fighting to maintain your recovery from an eating disorder can be challenging on a normal basis. Since the pandemic erupted, these challenges have likely been amplified. Food challenges and body image struggles may be more apparent in your day to day life.
I won’t attempt to review all the possible scenarios you might find yourself in; I know they’re diverse, layered and personal. But I think it’s safe to say we’re all walking through various degrees of anxiety, grief, impatience, and frustration.
In general, there’s so many new stressors moms are facing. Coupled with increased concerns about food and body image distress, this can seem to create a recipe for a relapse.
Wherever this might find you today, I want to encourage you and give you some support to help guide you through this difficult season.
In addition to being a mom of 5 myself, I’ve also been in recovery from an eating disorder for over a decade, so I understand the challenges you might be facing.
I also know how essential my recovery is to not only my life and well-being, but to my family as well.
Even if you’ve been in recovery for quite some time, I’m guessing it’s safe to assume you’ve never had to navigate eating disorder recovery while surviving a pandemic. This, dear mama, is no easy feat.
No matter where this may find you today, I want you to know you’re not alone in your recovery journey.
I’d love to share some specific tips to help you stay focused on your recovery during these challenging times.
But first, let’s take a look at some of the stressors and current triggers you might be experiencing that could amplify body image struggles and food challenges.
These stressors can amplify food and body image concerns you may be facing as a mom:
Diet talk circulating on social media, mainstream media: The current pandemic has thrown fuel on the fire for diet culture and the rampant way it spreads through mainstream media. You’ve likely been hearing more marketing messages that are targeting body size, while promoting dieting and weight loss.
Feelings of food scarcity, more limited accessibility to food: You may have more limited access to food or may be unable to go to the grocery store as frequently as you used to. Seeing the sight of bare shelves or foods that are out of stock can create fear and scarcity around food.
Isolation from your support system: Because of our quarantine situation, you may not be in contact with people who’ve been part of your support system. Whether that means help with childcare or connection with close friends or family, isolation can be a trigger for a re-emergence of eating disorder behaviors.
Abrupt changes to routine: You’ve likely had to quickly pivot to adjust to the rapid changes brought about by this pandemic. You may suddenly be homeschooling your children while trying to work from home. The rhythms of your daily routines you’ve come to depend on may have been pulled right out from under you.
Navigating illness: You or a loved one may be navigating illness or sudden sickness, which can make everything much more challenging.
Loss of financial stability: Due to the economic downturn from this pandemic, you or your family may be feeling a financial strain. You may be trying to get by with a much more limited income. You or your family members may have suffered a job loss, creating financial hardship.
The Increased Mental Load of Motherhood During a Pandemic
We can’t neglect to mention how these overnight changes have significantly increased the mental load and stressors mothers are carrying right now.
You’ve likely experienced increased mental stress due to a combination of the following things (and more):
Inadequate or lack of childcare options
Abrupt job changes, needing to work from home
Feeling pulled in multiple directions
Prioritizing everyone else while your work responsibilities accumulate
No concrete start or end time to work/motherhood responsibilities
Constantly switching roles throughout the day
Needing to manage work while caring for your kids
Managing your child’s distance learning needs
Meeting your child’s emotional needs
Trying to keep life as normal as possible for your family
Managing your household supplies, food, etc.
Being isolated from social supports
Phew. Do you see all of this, mama? There’s no question why eating disorder behaviors can reappear as coping strategies or temporary escapes when life feels too hard or overwhelming.
Your body can become a scapegoat for the broader feelings of discomfort and anxiety you may be feeling in your life right now.
Food Challenges and Body Image Struggles
Food and your body may feel like the only things you can tangibly control right now, while so many outside circumstances swirl around you in chaos. As crazy as it might seem, the need for some sense of stability can superficially present in eating disorder behaviors.
These increased responsibilities may make it challenging to care for yourself right now or to do the things you were previously doing to maintain your recovery.
Some of the food challenges and body image struggles you might be experiencing may include (but not limited to):
Increased frequency of binging episodes
Compulsive exercise addiction, overexercising
Frequent body checking or weighing yourself
Restriction, or intentionally limiting your food intake
Resurgence of binging and/or purging
Calorie counting, limiting overall calorie intake
Increased feelings of shame and/or guilt around your eating, body image
Comparing yourself to others (your body size, food intake, and/or exercise routine)
Experiencing these food challenges and body image struggles can be overwhelming in itself. In the moment, it might offer some temporary relief; an escape for the overpowering stressors that feel suffocating.
But it only offers a false sense of security and control, and the eating disorder behaviors continue to snowball and spiral. This can trigger the vicious cycle that can be so difficult to escape.
I share this, NOT to create added shame or stress, but to help normalize the struggles you may be facing (not to say these stressors are normal, but rather, you’re not abnormal for struggling now more than ever).
If you find yourself falling back on eating disorder behaviors to help you cope with these increased stressors, this doesn’t mean you’re a failure. This doesn’t mean you’re not strong enough to fight off your eating disorder. It doesn’t mean you don’t have enough willpower to overcome it.
It simply means you’re surviving, and you’re doing the best you can under extraordinary circumstances.
You’re in a pressure cooker of stressors, and your brain is literally responding to the increased triggers by regressing into behaviors which may have helped you or served you in some way in the past. This is where the eating disorder tends to slip in, especially if other coping mechanisms you’ve tried to use just don’t seem to be helping at this moment in time.
If you’ve fallen back into using eating disorder behaviors to help you cope, or you’ve experienced urges to engage with your eating disorder - this doesn’t mean you’ve fallen off the bandwagon. Nor does it mean recovery is hopeless or out of reach for you.
No. It simply means you’re human, doing the best you can to survive a storm without drowning and going under.
Recovery is still possible for you, NO. MATTER. WHAT.
Navigating Your Eating Disorder Recovery
I’m standing in solidarity with you, precious mama. I’m holding space for you and believing recovery is still possible for you, even during these challenging times - don’t lose hope.
Keep these suggestions in mind to help support you as you navigate your eating disorder recovery journey:
Start with compassion and kindness for yourself:
It’s easy to be hard on yourself, and the added guilt of not living up to your own expectations can be crushing. You may feel like you’re letting yourself or your family down. No matter how hard you try to fight your eating disorder, it seems to always have the upper hand.
I understand how difficult this struggle can feel. It’s going to be a lot harder to rally against your eating disorder or muster the strength to fight against it if you’re already feeling defeated.
The eating disorder might cause you to feel like there’s no point in even trying or make you believe things will be like this forever. But these are lies which have no basis or will only cause you to sink further in a guilt cycle. Start with grace and compassion with yourself, mama.
Try changing your inner dialogue into a kinder voice, instead of a critical one.
Think about talking to yourself like you would one of your children who might be facing a difficult situation. Remember - you’re doing the best you can to survive an unthinkable situation. Please be gentle with yourself and give yourself all the compassion in the world. Then you can be more empowered to fight against the eating disorder.
When you feel like your eating behaviors are slipping, what you need to start with is self-compassion, not more “self-control.”
2. Give yourself space to process your feelings without judgement:
Eating disorders come with a stark black-and-white thinking and perspective, am I right?
It’s all too easy to fall back into this mindset, especially when you’re thrown into challenging situations. It’s simply your brain’s way of helping you conserve it’s limited and precious energy, but in many ways, this isn’t serving you either.
One way I see this showing up a lot right now is with feelings and emotions, because let me tell you - those feelings are FLOWING. It’s easy to categorize or judge feelings as “good” versus “bad”, but feelings are not a moral thing.
You’re not a bad person because you’re experiencing hard feelings. Sometimes removing the judgement and just allowing yourself to acknowledge what you’re feeling (without labeling it) can give you the space you need to process what’s coming up for you.
This can also give you space to identify which feelings may be harder for you to cope with.
For example - maybe you’re feeling guilty after a day of trying to work and care for your kids, and those feelings of guilt increase urges to binge eat after the kids are finally asleep. In order to help you break this cycle, you may first need to be aware of and validate your emotions instead of avoiding them. Allow yourself space to feel what might be coming up for you or to explore where those feelings might be coming from (rather than hide or escape from them).
I’ve heard this analogy described this way:
Think of your feelings like a tunnel, and you are a train driving through the tunnel. You can’t take any shortcuts - no cutting to the right or left. In order to get through the tunnel, you have to pass all the way through. In order to get through your feelings safely and come out on the other side, you need space to allow yourself to pass all the way through.
Practicing this can also help you pinpoint where you need to insert more effective coping strategies. Eating disorder urges are often clues about where your body and brain need more support.
Back to our earlier analogy, let’s say you’re feeling the urge to binge after you’ve put the kids to bed. Leaning into those urges can help you explore the underlying feelings that are sitting just below the surface. When you can tap into those feelings, you might be better able to give yourself what you’re really needing in the moment.
Things you might need to help you cope with the MANY feelings that are surfacing right now might include:
Decompression from a long day
Silence and space for yourself
Connection with a loved one, being heard
Rest and relaxation
Distraction
Helping yourself figure out what you’re really needing when the eating disorder urges are striking can help you more effectively support yourself through these feelings.
It’s important to note the coping strategies which may have worked for you prior the pandemic may not feel as effective right now. Or maybe the things you relied on to help support you through stress just aren’t available.
This is where you may need to get creative in trying different things to give yourself what you need. Maybe it’s sitting in the car and listening to your favorite songs on repeat while your partner stays with the kids. Maybe it’s taking a walk around the neighborhood while listening to your favorite podcast or talking with a friend. Or maybe it’s skipping the social media scroll or late night television binge in order to get some extra rest.
Remember, when you may need to say no to other things in order to say yes to caring for yourself right now.
3. Maintain a sense of boundaries (social media, diet talk):
Diet talk is rampant right now - all over social media and the mainstream media.
You might see someone you follow doing a quarantine cleanse or stay-at-home workouts that are triggering and making you feel less about yourself. Whatever the situation might be, it’s important to be proactive about protecting yourself and your recovery.
This might be a good time to take a break from the social media noise or to cut out anything in your life that isn’t serving you. Whether that’s toxic conversations or people you follow on social media, you have the ability to UNFOLLOW. To say NO. To put up a boundary to protect yourself.
While scrolling on social media might seem like a temporary way to escape your circumstances, how are you feeling when you come back from that social media scroll? If you’re feeling worse than when you started, this may be a good indicator it’s not healthy for you at this time.
Be fiercely protective of your mental energy and headspace, and try to filter out or block anything negative or toxic from infiltrating your recovery focused mindset.
4. Use a framework to keep yourself fed:
There’s no explanation needed for why eating might be more challenging right now.
Eating might feel chaotic while you’re trying to simultaneously feed your kids, work, homeschool, and do. All. the. Things. I get it. I’m right there with you.
As moms, we tend to put our families before ourselves. I’m betting that no matter how stressful things might be or how many things you’re juggling, that you’re still feeding your kids as best as possible. Yet feeding yourself might be beyond your capacity right now.
Feelings of stress might make it difficult to eat, especially if you don’t have an appetite. Or you might be so preoccupied with everything that you forget to eat, and when you do, food feels out of control. You deserved to stay nourished too, mama. It doesn’t have to look perfect or pretty. We’re talking about doing the bare minimum right now to keep you fed and nourished.
Following a simple framework throughout the day can help you eat more consistently. Creating more predictable patterns for feeding yourself can help take the guesswork out of eating and ensure that you’re keeping this a priority.
One thing I suggest is to feed yourself when you feed your kids. You’re already prepping food and giving it to everyone else. This can be an opportune time for you to dish out what you’ve already prepared for your kids on a plate for yourself and take a few minutes to ensure that you’re eating too.
Eating is an essential part of your recovery, mama. Don’t let your eating disorder try to negotiate what eating should look for you right now. Even if you’re just staying at home and not engaging in any movement whatsoever, your body STILL requires nourishment to stay well, for yourself and your family.
5. How you treat yourself doesn’t need to be based on your feelings about your body:
You’re likely facing some conflicting feelings about your body right now.
When you’ve had an eating disorder, your body can quickly become a scapegoat for all the things happening in your life outside of your control.
Ask yourself how you feel in your body right now: Uncomfortable? Irritated? Frustrated? Angry? Now ask yourself, what else is happening in your life right now causing you to feel those things? I can think of a few things happening collectively in our lives right now that may cause you to feel uncomfortable, irritated, frustrated, angry, etc.
As you navigate these times, please understand your body is NOT the problem.
Your body's a survivor and is fighting to keep you alive AT ALL COSTS.
So when you’re running into a blockage of hard feelings toward your body, please keep this bigger picture in mind.
The way that you choose to treat your body doesn’t have to be based on how you feel about your body, because those feelings will change any given day or moment, really.
You can be unwavering in your commitment to be kind and respectful toward your body, regardless of how you might be feeling about it. Those feelings will come and go. They will pass. But how you treat your body will have lasting ramifications. Choose to treat your body with the respect and kindness it deserves, mama.
6. Reach out for community and help when needed, understanding your red flags:
There is no criteria for reaching out for help. There are just times that warrant more help and support, and these might be one of those times for you.
It’s important to know what your personal red flags are which may indicate you need more support and accountability. It is not a personal failure on your part if you need more help and support.
Remember - you are HUMAN. Not superhuman. You're doing the best you can to survive, and sometimes, that requires more outside help.
Maybe this means getting back into therapy or meeting with your eating disorder dietitian again. Maybe this looks like connecting to a support group. It might even mean temporarily stepping up to a higher level of care to help you navigate potential trouble spots that are coming up for you.
Whatever the situation might be, please don’t wait to ask for the help you need. If you’re not sure where to look, try starting with the National Eating Disorder Association. They have a toll-free hotline you can call, as well as a list of free and low-cost resources for eating disorder support.
I also lead a free virtual support group, specially for moms who are in eating disorder recovery, and would love to invite you to join us. You can find out more information about LIft the Shame and sign up at this link here. (Please note that these options do not replace professional treatment and are listed as additional support options to supplement recovery or maintenance.)
As you navigate through this precarious season while trying to maintain your eating disorder recovery, please know you don’t walk alone.
You are loved, and your life is precious and valuable. You, dear mama, are worthy.
Standing in solidarity with you.