Top 10 Common Holiday Food Issues That Your Child Struggles With
“My child seems to struggle with picky eating, so holiday meals are hard. Any way I can help?”
If your child seems to be having a harder time with food this time of year, know that that is completely normal, and you are not alone.
The holiday season can seem to trigger a host of eating problems with kids. Or if your child has already been struggling with eating in some regard, the holidays can seem to exacerbate feeding issues and make them worse.
Think about it: there are usually a variety of dishes that are seasonal, so your child may feel unfamiliar with the food itself. On the other hand, your kids might be off their typical routines and schedules, which can put them out of sorts.
Needless to say, there are a variety of factors that come together during the holidays to create the “perfect storm”, which often brings any underlying food issues straight to the surface.
In an effort to help you enjoy this holiday season with your kiddos and take out the stress around food, I’ve outlined some of the more common food issues I see this time of year in families, as well as some simple interventions to help you through these scenarios.
While this list is by no means exhaustive, it covers some of the many different situations that tend to arise during the holiday season.
Let’s take a look at some of the food struggles you might encounter with your child during the holiday, along with interventions that can help you and your kids successfully navigate these situations:
10 Common Holiday Food Issues With Kids
Issue #1: Your child is distracted and doesn’t have an interest in eating
Let’s be real: there is so much happening during the holidays that eating can become the last thing a child might be interested in doing, right? You’re likely to visit family and friends that you haven’t seen or are participating in activities that your child may be completely engrossed in.
Taking the time to eat might feel like a hindrance to your child, who would probably rather do the 54321 other things that are more interesting to her.
This might be especially true for a child who may be feeling overwhelmed with the food portion of holiday gatherings.
One important thing to remember in this situation is that one meal isn’t going to make or break your child’s health or overall nutrition status. Lowering your overall expectations, in terms of your children’s behavior and overall eating capabilities, will be important for all of you.
While it might be nice to have everyone sitting down to enjoy a family holiday meal, the reality is that the majority of kids generally have shorter attention spans. On top of this, many kids may be distracted by the various things around them: the company, their environment, decor, games they want to play, etc.
Intervention: As the parent/caregiver, it’s important to remember that it is not your job to get your child to eat. So if your child isn’t interested in eating at that particular family meal, that is okay.
Try to communicate with your child ahead of time to help them understand the expectations of the event. For example, you might share with them that you’ll all be sitting down together to eat dinner to have family time but that they don’t have to eat anything if they don’t want to.
Allowing a distracted child to sit next to a familiar face at the table might also help ease any tension before the meal. Also be realistic about how long your child might be able to reasonably sit at the table.
For some kids, this might be 10 minutes before needing to be excused. The main thing to help your child understand is that you want them to be part of family time, while reminding them that they aren’t obligated to eat anything at the meal.
Not pressuring your child to eat a certain amount of food or requiring a number of bites of their meal before being excused can help eliminate any undue pressure and prevent power struggles at the dinner table.
Also consider the timing of the family meal with the other meals and snacks your child may be eating that day. If your child may be less interested in sitting down for the family holiday meal if she’s not physically hungry for it.
Strategically timing meals and snacks throughout the day and avoiding grazing can help your child come to the table hungry and more willing to eat - but not starving or hangry. Ideally, your child may need a meal or snack about every 2 hours.
Issue #2: Your child seems overly preoccupied with holiday food and with eating
For some kids, the holidays can bring a surge of desserts, treats, and sweets that they might not normally have access to throughout the year.
Because of the “specialness” of these foods, some kids might feel inclined to eat continuously or may seem preoccupied with eating while at a holiday party or dinner.
In this type of scenario, you may notice that your child would rather eat than play or is overly concerned about when they get to eat, how much they get to eat, etc.
Intervention: For this type of situation, there is both a short and long term approach to help your child navigate this:
Short-term: It’s important to remind your child that they will have access to food and that the foods they are wanting to eat will be available during the designated meals and snack times.
If a child is used to hearing “no” for every food request, this can make them more preoccupied with whatever food he might want to eat.
If your child is repeatedly asking for a particular food or wondering when he gets to eat [X], gently remind him that those foods will be available at the next meal or snack time.
In general, kids do best when we name a food and time together. For example, you might say, “Yes, we can have some of those gingerbread with your dinner after we play this game with your cousins”.
Remember that many kids don’t understand time in the same way we do, so just saying “later” may not be helpful. But describing time in terms of activities can be more reassuring, especially for a child who seems preoccupied with food and eating.
It’s also important to allow your child to eat to a point of satiety and fullness during designated meals and snack times, even if that portion of food makes you feel uncomfortable.
If a child’s intake is strictly controlled or limited, this can further trigger feelings of deprivation, and therefore, preoccupation with food. For more information on how to handle desserts, sweets, and treats with kids, be sure to check out this blog post.
Long-term: Food preoccupation in kids is often a symptom of controlling feeding practices. If you notice that your child seems preoccupied with food and the holidays tends to exacerbate this, there may be some underlying issues to examine more closely, in terms of the feeding relationship between you and your child.
Here are some questions to think about:
Do you allow your child regular access to desserts and sweets?
Do you strictly limit the portions of sweets and desserts your child does have access to?
Does your child eating sweets bring up anxiety, stress or fear for you?
If you answered yes to the above questions, please know there is NO shame here.
This is simply a way to help you see that there might be more to examine here to help support a foundation for your child that allows them to build a positive relationship with food and their bodies.
You might need to consider how you can begin to more regularly incorporate desserts, sweets, or whatever foods your child may be preoccupied with in order to help decrease the obsessiveness.
When a child can trust that he has regular access to a variety of foods and is trusted to eat these foods, he will feel less obsessive and preoccupied with them.
Issue #3: Your child may prefer grazing and snacking instead of eating a meal.
Oh yes, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? The child that prefers snacking to eating meals can be tricky to navigate around the holidays. Especially when many holiday parties and gatherings typically offer an array of appetizers within a child’s arm reach.
Filling up on snacks can become problematic because a child may not then have an appetite for an actual meal.
Intervention: Sticking to a consistent meal and snack schedule can help your child avoid a snacking pitfall or decrease their desire to graze.
Again, around the holidays, you and your family may be off your normal routines and schedules. As a rule of thumb, try to think about offering your child a sit-down meal/snack about every 2 hours.
If you know you’re going to a party or holiday gathering where there will be snacks and appetizers set out, give your child an opportunity to choose their snack by selecting 2-3 things they would like to try.
Rather than running around with food or grazing at will, have your child sit down with their snack plate for “snack time” and allow them to eat as much as needed to feel satisfied and content.
Once they’ve had their fill, try to close off or minimize snacking until the next window of eating time. Ensuring that your child has eaten before going to a party can also help avoid the want to snack and graze throughout holiday festivities.
Issue #4: Your child may be dealing with picky or selective eating.
Picky eating during the holidays can be stressful, especially if your family is traveling or visiting relatives, where you’re unsure if any safe food options might be available for your child. You might worry about what your child will be able to eat or if food will be a struggle throughout the holidays.
Intervention: The sheer amount of food during the holidays can be overwhelming for a picky eater, not to mention, the number of dishes that your child might be unfamiliar with.
This can be a stressor for a child that might have sensory issues with food. Similarly, a child with sensory sensitivity to food textures may be overwhelmed by everything that’s available.
The most important thing is to help your child identify at least one food option that he might feel safe and comfortable with to help him relax at the holiday meal. This might be something as simple as bread rolls, fruit, or whatever else your child may feel comfortable eating.
Consider bringing your child’s safe food option to the holiday gathering so you can ensure he will have something familiar and recognizable to put on his plate.
Remember that the main thing to focus on during the actual meal is creating positive mealtime experiences for your child, not necessarily what he is or is not eating at the meal. If he decides to just eat ONE food at the meal that he is familiar and comfortable with, that is OKAY - don’t panic.
Keep in mind that this is just one meal that won’t make or break your child’s overall nutrition. Take the focus off the food and engage your child in uplifting, positive conversation to help him feel more at ease. You want to help your kids make positive mealtime memories.
Remember, it’s important for picky eaters to eat food on their terms, not because anyone is forcing or pressuring them to eat. If your child does want to try a certain food dish, try to stay neutral (not offering negative or positive attention) and start with small portions so as not to overwhelm her.
If you’re visiting relatives who tend to put pressure on how your kids eat, consider having a conversation with them beforehand to help ease and prevent any mealtime tensions.
Issue #5: Your child has a meltdown at the table
We’ve all been here, too, right? When a child is tired, hungry, and overstimulated, this can be the trifecta for tantrums and meltdowns.
This is definitely tough when you might be out of the safe spot of your own home or around other people with whom your child might not feel totally comfortable with.
You might feel the pressure yourself with an onslaught of onlookers who are casting judgmental glances your way when your kid just can’t hang at the dinner table.
Intervention: Some of the best things you can do in this situation falls under prevention strategies. Remember these two key things: SLEEP and EAT.
Meaning, your child needs to sleep and eat adequately throughout the day to help prevent a mealtime meltdown. While this might not always be the case, kids are definitely more likely to have shorter fuses when they are tired and/or hungry.
Add in other factors on top, like overstimulation, and you’ll have a recipe for disaster on your hands. To help decrease the risk of mealtime meltdowns, help your child get adequate rest and food throughout the day. Sticking to naps and meal/snack routines as much as possible can help.
This can definitely get tricky when traveling around the holidays, but keep this in mind and do the best you can. Also try to build in some “transition space” before and after big holiday events, meals or gathering. Your kids will likely need time to transition between events and activities, so give them some space to do so when possible.
Rather than running from one thing to the next, try to allow some time for your kiddos to decompress when possible. This can work wonders, in terms of preventing meltdowns later during the day. Just remember that meltdowns and tantrums are often your child’s way of communicating to you.
When these do happen, she may be telling you that she’s tired, overstimulated, or needs a break from her environment.
Try to remove your child from the situation he’s in and get him to a space space where you can just let him be. In my experience, I’ve found that you can’t really reason with kids during the meltdown phase, but you can wait it out patiently with them and let them know you’re there, you love them.
Issue #6: Your child who asks for snacks after the meal.
Your child may not eat much at a meal or refuse to eat anything altogether, but as soon as the meal is over and cleared, she might be asking for a snack.
What do you do?
The tendency might be to worry that your child is hungry or didn’t get enough to eat, so you might resort to giving in to what your child is wanting. But this doesn’t help your child develop good boundaries around food, nor does it help your child learn how to eat a meal (which is important for regulating appetite and optimizing nutrition intake).
Intervention: Undoubtedly, you are tired from the holiday happenings, and the last thing on your agenda is to negotiate with a small human over snacks.
If your child asking for snacks after a meal is a pattern that is typical, even outside holiday meals, it may mean that she needs loving but firm boundaries around food.
Without this, food can become a free-for-all for kids, which again, doesn’t allow them to regulate their appetite or improve their overall nutrition intake.
Remember that feeding is often an extension of parenting. Meaning, your kids are going to push your buttons and test their limits, and food is one way they’ll test your parenting MO.
So while it might be easier to cave and give in to your child’s snack demands, what message does this send her?
You might be thinking, “Well, I’m just worried she’s hungry, that’s all!”
But as the parent, one of your main and most important roles with feeding is to be in charge of the when you are offering your child meals/snacks. This is YOUR role, not your child’s.
So what does this look like practically, especially around the holidays? As much as possible, try to stick to a meal/snack schedule to help your child maintain some sense of structure around eating.
This is similar to the intervention for the child who just wants to snack rather than eat a meal, where you want to stick to designated times for eating when possible.
There are MANY reasons your child might be asking for a snack after a meal. You can tell your child something to the likes of, “We just finished our family meal, but after we play some games, we’ll be sitting down for a snack”.
This communicates with your child that another opportunity for eating will be coming soon while giving them a more predictable framework around food.
Issue #7: Your child who struggles to eat with large crowds or people who are unfamiliar.
Some kids might simply be overwhelmed with the sensory input of the holiday gathering, which can include a host of people they don’t know. They might not want to come to the table or may be extremely clingy, which can be difficult when you’re trying to enjoy the company and meal times.
Intervention: This is another important time to adjust your expectations to better meet your child where he’s at and to better support him with what he’s realistically able to do at mealtimes and in holiday family gatherings.
If you can sense that your child might feel uncomfortable in the setting or environment, you may need to offer extra comfort and reassurance measures to support a positive mealtime experience.
This might mean sitting your child closer to you (rather than the kids’ table) or pointing familiar elements in the environment that might put your child at ease.
If your child is having a hard time focusing on eating, remember to do what you can to make mealtime fun. Especially with young children, you can find some element of play with the food.
For example, you can ask your child what noise he hears you make when you eat certain types of food or what shapes he can help you find on your plate. These things can help distract your child while also building some comfortability around the food itself.
Issue #8: Your child is eating with relatives who eat differently than your family.
You may be eating with family members or friends who eat different foods for cultural, religious or lifestyle reasons, and this might mean that there are things your child is unfamiliar with or unwilling to eat (especially if the foods are new to him).
Intervention: Given the many different food backgrounds that we all come from, it’s expected to run into situations where a holiday gathering might include a host of food your child feels uncomfortable.
These are real life scenarios, and preparing your child with how to handle them can be a real life skill. One important thing is to remind your child that he is not obligated to eat anything he doesn’t want.
This will automatically take the pressure off your child to eat, which can make the mealtime more enjoyable for everyone. When possible, try to communicate with your child ahead of time as well. You might say something to the effect of, “We’re so thankful to share a meal with our friends.
Remember that you are in charge of the foods that you want to eat.” You might also coordinate with the hosts to determine if there are foods or dishes you can bring that your child is more familiar with so there are things he can enjoy as well.
Issue #9: Your child is eating with relatives who approaching feeding differently than your family.
This can be a tough one and is all too common around the holidays. You may be eating with family members who don’t get your approach to feeding or who want to offer their unsolicited advice and opinions on how you should be feeding your kids.
Nothing can create tension faster than family members or friends who want to tell your child how or what she should be eating.
Intervention: Don’t be afraid to hold boundaries with your family, especially to help protect your child’s autonomy and independence.
Depending on the age of your child, you may need to have direct conversations with other relatives (if you child is not able to really speak for herself).
This will be even more important if you’re staying with relatives or friends for an extended period of time over the holidays.
Focus on discussing the aspects of feeding that you think are most important for your child to have successful mealtimes. For example, you might share:
The structure of meals and snacks that works best for your kids
How you handle desserts and sweets with your child
Helpful language and phrasing that has worked for your child
Things you like to do during mealtimes to make it a positive eating experience for everyone
Remember that the majority of the people who want to comment about how you feed your kids or how your child eats usually have good intentions.
They may just not be informed or fully understand your own perspective or experience.
Check out this post here with more in-depth information on how to handle a relative who may be food policing your child during a holiday meal, including specific phrases you can say to redirect conversation.
Keep in mind that if a mealtime experience doesn’t unfold in an ideal way (especially during a holiday gathering with well-meaning adults who interfere with your feeding approach) this is not going to damage the work you’re doing to help your child develop a positive relationship with food.
Learn what you can from that experience to help you feel more prepared and informed to better navigate these situations in the future.
Issue #10: Your child doesn’t like what’s being offered at a family meal.
This can be a hard one, especially if you’re not hosting or are visiting others who have opened their home to your family.
Intervention: An important thing to remember is that no matter the circumstances - whether you or a relative have prepared the meal or it would mean so much to Grandma to see your child try a bite - your child is not obligated to eat that meal.
At the end of the day, it’s not your job (or anyone else’s for that matter) to get your child to eat. You’ve heard the expression: you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink?
Well, the same thing applies here for your child. Even when it’s a special holiday gathering and your relatives have put so much thought and effort into making a delicious and beautiful meal, forcing your child to eat something is not going to help anyone.
Sure, Aunt Sally might love to see your little boy eat or Grandma would love your daughter to try her homemade dish, but your child is not there to please anyone with his or her eating choices.
Help protect your child’s body autonomy by allowing your child to decide whether or not they want to eat and how much they want to eat from what’s been provided.
This means not forcing your child to try anything or take a certain number of bites of food. At the end of the day, it’s one meal, and if your child doesn’t like any of the food that’s being offered, not eating won’t negatively impact her overall nutrition.
Be sure to communicate these expectations with your child, if your child is not already used to doing this.
For example, let your child know that she is allowed to choose what she would like to eat from the food that is offered. Help her understand that she doesn’t have to eat anything but she is expected to have good manners.
Meaning, kids can learn how to politely turn down food without being rude or insensitive to the people who have prepared the meal.
A simple, “no thank you”, or “that’s not for me right now, thank you though” can go a lot further than saying something like, “I don’t like that!”, or “Ew, I don’t want to eat that!”.
Remind your child that while she can choose not to eat, it is still family time, and she can be part of the conversation at the table.
As I’ve mentioned in some of the other scenarios, offering a balanced meal before the holiday festivities as well as a scheduled snack afterward can help ensure your child is getting enough to eat, even if she chose not to eat at a particular event or holiday dinner.
If your child refuses to eat a meal, try to stick to your meal/snack schedule as much as possible. This can also be reassuring for your child, who maybe didn’t find something she wanted to eat from what was provided at the meal.
Focusing on Positive Eating Experiences
As you can see, there are a variety of food problems that your child may encounter during the holidays.
An important thing to remember is that NONE of these potential scenarios make for a bad child or a bad parent. In order to help your child have positive eating experiences, it’s important to remove the labeling and simply let your child be who they are to better enjoy food.
In summary, keep these key points in mind as you approach the holiday season with your family:
Lower your expectations: Having more realistic expectations for your child, especially around food and what she is reasonably able to do at mealtimes can make things less stressful for everyone.
Respect your child’s autonomy: Remember that your child is ultimately in charge of whether or not he wants to eat from the food that has been provided AND how much he wants to eat. It’s not your job (or anyone else’s job) to get your child to eat.
Maintain your feeding responsibilities: Even in the midst of changing surroundings and different routines, your responsibilities with feeding your child still matter. When you can reliably and consistently offer meals and snacks, you can help things go easier with eating for your child.
Keep things in perspective: The holiday season can be hard for many reasons. If you find yourself reaching the end of your rope, losing your patience, or having a difficult time for whatever reason, it’s okay. When it comes to your child and eating, remind yourself that the holiday season doesn’t last forever. Focus on making memorable mealtime experiences over what your child is eating, as this will have more of a lasting impact.
I hope this helps you and your family as you navigate any potential food issues this holiday season. Sending hope for peaceful and positive experiences with food, and be sure to comment with any questions!
What food issues have you run into with your child during the holidays?