Why Healing Your Relationship With Food is the Best Gift For Your Family
When it comes to giving our children gifts, we tend to think about the tangible. The things they can physically hold, see and touch.
But what about the gifts that can’t necessarily be wrapped and packaged nice and neat with a bow on top? What about the gifts that can’t be held and played with, but can be felt and cherished for years to come?
What if I told you that you could gift your children something that would impact their lives beyond the holiday season and change the trajectory of generations to come?
It’s possible, my friend, and this gift is something that starts with you. I’m talking about the gift of healing your own relationship with food and your body. And while this isn’t something that can actually be packaged and gifted to your child, it is the most invaluable gift you can give your children in support of their ability to build a healthy and positive relationship with food.
And unlike the toys and trinkets they’re accustomed to receiving, this gift doesn’t break or get lost in the mix of all the treasures. It’s something that continues to give over time, the effects of which your children might not fully understand or know.
I know - it’s not something flashy or fancy, but it is meaningful in that it gives your children possibilities to live a life free from the diet culture traps.
You might be thinking: “How exactly can I heal my relationship with food?” I understand that this might feel arbitrary, even out of the realm of possibility.
Maybe you’ve struggled with a lifelong battle with food and your body. Maybe you were put on a diet at a young age or constantly made to believe that you needed to shrink your body and take up as little space as possible. Maybe you’ve been on the dieting bandwagon for as long as you remember that you aren’t sure what “normal” eating looks like. Maybe you’ve been through dealing with an eating disorder or disordered eating and have lost out on countless memories with your children and loved ones because food is too chaotic and complicated.
When you’re sitting in these types of situations, things can feel hopeless and overwhelming.
How can you possibly model how to have a healthy relationship with food to your own children when you’re struggling to know what that looks like for yourself?
You might feel worried about passing on a poor relationship with food or negative body image to your own children, or fear how you feel about food and your body may impact your kids.
As a mother who has lived through these fears myself, I want you to know that you’re not alone. The road in front of you may feel daunting and impossible, but I want you to know that there is hope for healing and change.
Taking one small step toward healing your relationship with food reverberates a ripple effect of change that will be felt across generations.
Because here’s the thing: no matter what your relationship with food has looked like or what your past experiences around food and your body have been, you have the capacity to do something different for yourself and your family. You don’t have to stay stuck repeating the same cycles or passing on the same behaviors you picked up from the caregivers and diet culture before you. You have the ability to say a resounding “NO” to the chaotic cycle of an unhealthy relationship with food and to fight for a future for your family that is defined by freedom with food.
When you make the decision to heal your relationship with food, here’s what you’re giving to your family:
More peace in your home, especially around food and eating
Less chaos and confusion around food
More mental space and clarity to be intentional with your time that you do have with your family
Increased likelihood that your children will develop positive associations with food
Higher self-esteem and positive body image, for you and your kids
Decreased risk of eating disorders in your home, for you and your children
Less risk of disordered eating and chronic dieting
No matter where you’ve been or what your current relationship with food might look like, all these things are possible, for you and your family.
It starts with one simple step: awareness of where you are and what you want to do differently. It begins when you’re able to lean into your current relationship with food from a place of curiosity and compassion rather than self-criticism and judgement.
What does your current relationship with food and your body look like, and how might this impact your children?
For many mothers I work with, there’s a realization that it’s often difficult to extend trust to their children around food and their bodies when they’re unable to trust themselves. Or how it’s challenging to model normal eating when their perspective of eating has been so far skewed by diet culture. But these are things that can be healed.
Learning how to trust yourself with food and eating opens a gateway for you to also trust your own children with food and their bodies. Learning how to reject diet culture and the dieting mentality to listen to and honor what your body wants and needs will also give you confidence in guiding your children to do the same thing.
Healing Your Relationship With Food - What Does It Look Like?
Healing your relationship with food can seem like a complicated process.
I mean, if you’ve spent years engaging in toxic and chaotic behaviors around food and have been entrenched in negative beliefs about your own body, these can feel impossible to overcome.
It may be hard to imagine anything differently from what you’ve believed and engaged in for years of your life. But healing your relationship with food starts with the small seeded belief that these things are possible to reverse. You weren’t born with a toxic mindset about food and your body.
On the contrary, you were actually born with the programming to trust your body’s eating instincts, to enjoy food, and to appreciate the body that is home to your soul. (Think about your children and how they interact with food. Babies, for example, are deeply connected to their bodies’ programming that helps them self-regulate their intake). Your body houses the innate wisdom you need to guide your food choices throughout your life (including seasons like pregnancy and postpartum).
Somewhere along the way in life, we learned the false narrative that our bodies couldn’t be trusted, that food was something to be manipulated. Healing your relationship with food is about coming home to your body and rebuilding that trust. In doing so, you are giving your children permission to trust themselves, build confidence in their bodies, and feel safe with food.
And you know what?
It is possible for you to get back to that place.
But this is not a passive journey or something that happens without intention and purpose. It requires forward action with small steps that move you closer toward healing. It takes courage and bravery to step outside everything you’ve known in hopes of healing, to believe in something bigger than yourself even though it feels like you’re fumbling through the dark.
It’s also understanding that healing your relationship with food is not a linear journey.
It’s defined by progress and not perfection. It’s giving yourself compassion and leaning into discomfort with curiosity to learn a new narrative about yourself, your relationship with food, and your body. It’s learning to speak to yourself in a kinder way - to trade criticalness for compassion.
It’s making mistakes but gleaming the lessons to be learned, not spiraling down the rabbit hole. It’s being gentle with your inner child and learning how to care for yourself in the same way you give and care for your own children. Our children often reflect the parts of our own lives that we need to heal, and engaging with our kids around food and helping them navigate body changes can be revealing of the sore spots that may need more time and attention.
This process is not something that will look the same for everyone, and the good news is that you can start right where you are on this very day. You don’t have to wait until you “feel” ready. Just knowing what you want and the WHY behind your hopes to heal your relationship with food are all you need to move forward.
How to Heal Your Relationship With Food
If you’re just getting started and feeling uncertain about steps to move forward, here are some suggestions to support you along your journey:
Awareness:
Be honest with yourself to assess what your current relationship with food looks like. How do you feel about food and your body? What are some areas you might struggle with? What are some things you’d like to look differently? This is not intended to shame you or make you feel bad whatsoever, but to help you have a clear starting place. It’s only going to get better from here, mama.
Curiosity About The Past:
To piggyback on the last point, take some time to reflect on past experiences that may have shaped your current perspective on food and relationship with food. What are some of the narratives and beliefs you carry about food and your body, and where did these come from? These questions are intended for reflection and curiosity to help you better understand the roots of your relationship with food.
Align yourself with your body:
Diet culture pushes external rules for food and eating that are often in conflict with your body’s innate wisdom and needs. When you give more attention and value to external rules, it becomes harder to listen to what your body actual needs and wants. Learning to trust your body again over diet culture starts with listening to your body again. Start to lean into your body, learn to listen to the different cues your body is giving you. When you take away all the rules, what is it that you actually enjoy eating? What foods feel satisfying and enjoyable?
Give yourself permission to eat (letting go of the food rules):
Listening to your body is one step. An important next step is to honor what your body is telling you. Like giving yourself permission to actually eat when you’re feeling hungry instead of trying to manipulate or suppress your body’s cues that are telling you nourishment is needed. Giving yourself permission to eat is key to learning how to trust your body and heal your relationship with food.
Finding joy in eating:
Food is often distorted as something that should be controlled, manipulated or avoided. As a result, we too easily lose sight of the fact that food is meant to be both pleasurable and nourishing. When we force ourselves to eat something because we feel like we have to, we’re less likely to enjoy eating and may even build negative associations around food. This can damage our relationship with food over time and make eating more chaotic and challenging. You can reverse this by asking yourself this simple question: What do you enjoy eating? What brings you joy and satisfaction? If you watch your kids, you can see how they are likely to choose joy when eating. You can do the same, too.
Being kinder to your body:
Food and exercise can feel punishing when you’re struggling with an unhealthy relationship with food and your body. Learning to “love” your body can also feel like an impossible standard. Instead, try to move the needle slightly by thinking of ways that you can be kinder to yourself and your body. Maybe it means ditching the scale for good so that a number doesn’t dictate how you feel about yourself. Maybe it means being intentional about eating and feeding yourself more regularly. Maybe it looks like saying positive things out loud about your body so that you and your children can hear a new narrative about yourself. Learn to take small steps toward being kinder to yourself.
Getting outside support:
One of the bravest things you can do is to ask for help. Getting support around this journey in healing your relationship with food and your body can be a powerful way to move the needle, while giving you the accountability and guidance you may need. As a registered dietitian for moms and families, I’d love to help support you in healing your relationship with food so you can raise your children confidently. For more help, please connect with me today.
Supporting Your Children With Eating When You’re Healing Your Relationship With Food
Even while you’re working on healing your relationship with food and your body, there are still many things you can implement in your home to help support your children in building positive associations with food and confidence in their bodies.
Here are some tips to keep in mind, when it comes to how you interact with your children around food:
Don’t feed by your own food rules or limit your child from foods based on your past experiences around eating
Create predictability around food with a meal rhythm and a supportive approach to feeding
Expose your child to outside eating experiences you would normally avoid
Speak positively about food and your own body in front of your children
Learn how to trust your child with eating while you focus on your jobs with feeding
For more support with this, be sure to check out this blog here: “How to Raise an Intuitive Eater When You're Learning to Become One”
Baby Steps to Heal Relationship With Food
Every step you take, no matter how small it may seem, is significant for you and your children. You’re challenging generational cycles of diet culture to create a future for your kids where food freedom is possible. Celebrate every step of progress along the way and think about the ways you can continue to grow to enjoy food with your children, whether it’s:
Ditching the dieting mentality
Challenging old food rules to enjoy food with your family
Saying yes to memories, no to food rules
Eating with your children
Eating the same foods you serve your children
Celebrating your body
All of these things, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem, are powerful enough to change generations to come for the good and end recurring dieting cycles, food guilt and body shame.
You don’t have to compromise your mental health by manipulating your body size. You don’t need to miss out on memories with your kids because you’re punishing yourself with food and exercise or following rigid food rules. You don’t have to feel guilty every time you eat. You can choose to approach this new year differently, in a way that honors your body and that allows you to be present for your loved ones.
Please know you’re not alone through this process. I’m celebrating you and cheering you on every step of the way.
Lastly, if you are a mother in eating disorder recovery or a mom simply needing more support in healing your relationship with food and your body, consider joining our free virtual support group, Lift the Shame. You can register for free and find more information here.
You are worthy of receiving pleasure in life, including from food and your eating experiences. You deserve to eat foods you enjoy and that feel good in your body.
You can have a relationship with your body that is built on trust & kindness. Your worthiness as a person is not something that has to be earned by controlling your food or by taking up less space.
And in finding this for yourself, you’re making it possible to enjoy freedom with food as a family.